Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Happy Birthday to me

Spring is arriving in Seattle and we're excited to spend some time on our new back deck. When we first moved into the house, the back deck was a rickety little thing made of plywood that moved back and forth and up and down when you walked on it. 

Exciting but not inviting

We tore down Danger Deck and started over.  Now we're looking more like this --

 it's not finished but at least we're not scared of it

Yesterday was a gorgeous day and an exciting one because our new outdoor dining set was to be delivered.  It arrived while I was running the kids to school.  I was less enthusiastic about the delivery when I returned home and found this mess on the front porch --

It was not a box. It was a very loose interpretation of a box.

The carnage was so bad, the furniture had begun unpacking itself in a desperate attempt to flee the structural collapse of its home.  I pulled the pieces out slowly, assuming damage.  And of course they were damaged.  I think it's fairly obvious this deliveryman hates his job.

So we still don't have an outdoor dining set, just an email sent to customer service filled with impotent rage and a ton of cardboard clogging the entryway.  The good news is the kids love playing on it and we've begun referring to it affectionately as "Mount Mangle."

So I turned 39 over the weekend.  It was one of my better birthdays because it began in total silence.  Alex woke up long before me and took the kids out all morning.  I slept in, drank coffee in my bathrobe and read my Facebook birthday greetings.  Sometimes Alex gets it just right.

Things got exciting later that day when we all clustered around Bobo the bearded dragon's tank and stared at him with concern.  Lucien was convinced Bobo was dying and it didn't seem an overreaction -- Bobo hadn't moved in four days, hadn't eaten in two, hadn't pooed in over six weeks.  It was an alarming combo and drove me to the internet where I deduced Bobo was suffering from "impaction."  In blunt terms, Bobo the bearded dragon was hella constipated.

Impaction can kill a bearded dragon.  Lucien was growing frantic, there wasn't a moment to lose. "Bobo, you ain't dying on my birthday," I said, and strapped on the latex gloves. 

The internet told me the best home remedy for bearded dragon impaction was a warm bath with accompanying abdominal massage. Bobo flattened his body in the bath and closed his eyes.  I wrapped my hands around his scaly little body and massaged what I assumed to be his abdomen. I guess I did something right because half an hour later BLAMMO, Bobo sh*t all over the place.

 Thanks, lady, and happy birthday
and you might want to bleach the bathtub

A group of friends met us later for my birthday dinner.  Look, I got a plant!

The strange thing about dinner was our server kept bringing us more bread even though we hadn't finished our other bread.  We finally had to shake him by his slight shoulders, smack him around a little -- "No more bread, man, you've gone mad!"

 it's too much bread
must give more bread

After our dinner we walked to Neumos where Dum Dum Girls were playing.  As I've mentioned, I have an intense love for live music.  It feeds my soul.  My friends do not all share this fervent love but they still agreed (enthusiastically, even!) to stay up way past their bedtimes and go with me to see a band they'd never heard of.  I love them for that.


Dum Dum Girls played a good show.  The men enjoyed it, especially, because the lead singer wore a sheer shirt with nothing but pasties for coverage.  She can wear whatever she wants, she's a badass in a girl band, but it may have been too distracting.  Afterward Alex asked, "Wait...did they play music?"

Alex stepped outside for a cigar midway through the show.  He struck up a conversation with a guy in the band that played earlier.  The band guy told Alex his shoes were rad and asked where he got them.  Al is still glowing from that one and occasionally puffs out his chest, pounds it, and yells, "I STILL GOT IT I'M STILL COOL" at various times throughout the day.   

It was a late night but worth it
because we got to hang out with this Macklemore-ish guy wearing a white fur coat

Anne, Angelo, Anna, Kristin, Alex, Kate, Eden, Rhonda, Matt, Raba and Zee -- thanks to you, I turned 39 just right, and don't wish to be in any other place or at any other age.


  1. Happy birthday, my dear!:) Glad you had a great time:)

    (Urgh the constipated lizard story… )

  2. Happy birthday to you!
    Happy birthday to you!
    Happy birthday dear EmmmmmmmmmJaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
    [deep breath]
    Haaaaaapy biiiiiiirthday tooooooo youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

  3. Happy Belated Birthday to you....you are now the age we all stick with for the next 20 years.LOL

    love the deck , the new version...and are you shitting me with the delivery of the outdoor furniture?? that's how they left it?....unbelievable....firstly that they would just leave it on the porch if you weren't home and secondly that they thought broken cardboard boxes was ok.....good grief

    the lizard story made me strangely very happy....

    1. Deb's loves a good poop story, it would seem;) (Or is the the "relief" aspect of it that warms the cockles of your heart, Debs?;))

  4. Thanks, ladies. And who doesn't love a poop story? YEEEEEAAAAAAAH!

  5. Happy Bday to you!!!! No such a thing as too much bread!!! Carb addict in Iowa, Kathy

  6. Happy Birthday and Congratulations! You get to spend the entire year thinking about your next birthday! Actually, 39 is awesome. Enjoy! P.S. Glad Bobo got it all out!

  7. mj how the hell did I miss this post THIS SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECT BIRTHDAY-Happy Birthday ... 39 yrs young-and good save with bobo I am glad he blammoed all over the place! All the best to you rocker girl-many many more!!