Friday, January 13, 2012

Friends and apples

I had some time to kill yesterday between grocery shopping and picking up Coco so I stopped at one of my old favorite coffee shops.  The difference between coffee shops in Seattle and cafes in Paris is that there's angsty music playing in coffee shops and every single person is staring intently at a laptop.  No one even looked up when I spun in circles to dazzle them with my coat.  Harumph.

The coffee tasted like Seattle.  It tasted like hot memories ("hot" as in temperature, not as in sexiness.  Hey, that makes me wonder, does anyone have any sexy memories involving coffee?  If so, please share because I don't understand how that would work.)

As I got up to leave the coffee shop, I saw an old friend sitting at the table directly behind me.  We looked at each other in confused silence for a second, then realization dawned and there was joy throughout the kingdom.  He broke into a big grin, spread out his arms, and said my current favorite words in the English language: "YOU'RE BACK!!"

I love our Seattle friends.  I wasn't sure I would still like them when we returned but for the most part (we won't mention that one guy) I do.  My vision of a huge Welcome Home House Party didn't work out, mainly because we don't have a house and that appears to be a crucial part of the plan.  So we're seeing friends little by little, in small clumps, which works out better anyway because it prevents us from passing out from the emotions.

We met a small clump Tuesday night for drinks, laughs, and, unfortunately, some farts.  Farts led to more laughs, though, so we didn't mind. 

You hear it said all the time, but with real friends, time apart doesn't change a thing.  You just sit down and pick up in the middle of the sentence, right where you trailed off three years ago.  We must have left in the middle of a very raunchy sentence because that's where we started again. where was I.... oh yeah, so about balls....

Not related to balls, but I'm thinking about joining the PTA.  The idea is scary.  I never thought of myself as a PTA member, and am picturing meetings with a perfectly coiffed blonde woman named "Muffy" wielding a gavel, but I'm pretty sure it's required to live in the U.S.A.  As long as they never ask me to bake anything, we should be good.

You know what else is good?  Amazon Fresh, the grocery delivery service.  It's not that I mind grocery shopping in Seattle, where everyone smiles at everyone and there's plenty of room in the aisles, but I've found it difficult to schlep a dozen heavy bags from our car in the parking garage up some stairs into the elevator and then down the hall to our apartment. 

There were a few close calls when Coco got on the elevator without me as I tried to round up grocery bags.  The doors started to close before I was ready so I shrieked a little -- "my baby!"-- but Coco just waved goodbye at me.  I got my foot in the door just in time and I swear that girl looked disappointed. 

My Paris baby is a real Seattle girl now.  The proof is in the shirt.  

So yes, grocery delivery is sometimes the way to go.  A nice guy delivered my most recent order.  He frowned as he handed me the bag containing a gallon of milk and some apples.  He said it was a "shoddy bagging job" so if any of my apples were bruised, I should call and they would deliver me some new apples that would be the very definition of apple perfection.

I laughed out loud.  It was funny he cared that much about my apples.  In Paris, they wouldn't have cared about my apples.  They probably would have stacked eggs and precious family heirlooms on top of my apples, then bulldozed the whole damn pile out of their way because they had places to be.  Then they'd say, "Oh yeah?  Your apples are bruised?  Suck it up, p*ssy, life's hard" as I shrieked "My apples!  MY APPLES!"

Seattle.  Paris.  I'm not saying one's better than the other but I am most definitely saying one is easier than the other.


Lucien's gym teacher approached me to introduce herself yesterday after school.  She said Lucien recently asked her if she'd ever been to Paris.  When she said "Yes," he asked her if she knew his street?  His old school?  His friend David?  Did she jump on the trampolines in the Tuileries?  If she went again, could she bring him a pain au chocolat?  Gym teacher chuckled and said Lucien is "just the sweetest kid."  Then my heart exploded.

Now that we're settling into some kind of daily routine, I'm finally checking items off my to-do list.  I have several friends who, after being told what I've done in a day, have exclaimed, "Wow, you're really gettin' stuff done!"  Since several have now said this, I can only assume my friends have held many secret meetings in which they discussed my inability to ever get anything done, including rolling out of bed and putting my shoes on the right feet. 

I'm gonna blow their frickin' minds when I register the car next week.

May all your apples be bruise-free this weekend, posse,


  1. I love how the Loosh is settling into American School life nicely. And Coco has the most adorable gap between her teeth!

  2. Mrs. Howard -- ME TOO. Lucien is not just surviving, he's thriving in his mama's homeland. Love it. Also love the Coco tooth gap. I hope it never, ever changes. If it does, I will pry her teeth apart again because I am just that dysfunctional and selfish. Bye!

  3. hmmm...I've always thought Seattle was cool but if they didn't bother to look up from their laptops to notice your awesome coat...well, now I have doubts about Seattle.

    Coffee can be sexy, or erotic. I have a memory of going out on my balcony early one summer morning, drinking coffee with a room mate that happened to be a French man. That cup of coffee led to "other" things that led to a year long romance. To this day when I use that coffee cup I have sexy thoughts. My husband just rolls his eyes and sighs when I cradle and caress that coffee mug...he just chalks it up to "one of those things I will never understand about women..."

  4. SEXY COFFEE MEMORY! Awesome, Melanie.

  5. "Suck it up, p*ssy, life's hard"

    And you thought no one would read your new blog. As if we could stay away with choice phrases like that.

  6. I have sexy memories surrounding coffee ice cream and Kahlua. But I think that might be different. Food Delivery services rock. I'm sure that you have found that they have changed your life for the better. and that Cokes is just too much!

  7. Carrie. I appreciate you appreciate my phrasing on that one. My mom probably doesn't. Maybe I'll tell her it means "pissy."

    April. Coffee ice cream and Kahlua. I get how that could be sexy. They had food delivery in Paris, too, but they usually forgot half my items and then I'd have to fight with people on the phone in French. Did I mention I'm breathing easier here?

    Bye, thanks for stopping by.

  8. ah my cup of MJ - just what I needed a the end of my second week of work at a new job.
    They actually think I'm smart and know what I'm doing and of course I have not a single minute clue but, I pet the dog and bring the humans and the pooch treats and so far I have them fooled..but come home exhausted form the pretense so a cup of MJ is as sexy as it gets for me....

  9. I think farting friends would be a perfect "welcome home". I've been reading your blog for way too long without joining in with the comment posse. Forgive me. :-)

  10. Z! Hey, congrats on having everyone hoodwinked at your new job. Back when I was gainfully employed, I faked my way through several a job. No one ever seemed to catch on. Best of luck to you in your continued fakery.

    Mrs. Brem. Yep, there's just something about that level of comfort amongst old friends... it was a warm, if socially inappropriate, welcome home. Welcome to the comment posse. I think you'll find people are pretty nice here.

    OK, bye all -- I'm leaving to go out with LA Mom, my friend in Paris! She lives in Seattle now so I get to keep being her beer friend. This is so exciting...

  11. Okay - I try and not commment so as not to be too stalkery (I am a polite(ish) Canadian) but I can't help it. You make me laugh each and every post - I am spreading the word of MJ wherever I can. Please write a book someday but don't stop this blog. God knows this depressing Pacific NW weather needs some levity!

  12. Laughing about farting? Oh yes, VERY American. So glad to hear you're settling back it!

  13. mj-too funny yet again and before i read the caption under coco's pic i was like "NICE SEATTLE THEMED SHIRT"-oh and i think you are just what the PTA needs-hope you had a good night with LA mom!!

  14. Let's just say that any American PTA will make great blog material! I love the Paris version of PTA...2 emails per month versus 2 emails per day!

  15. That picture of Mme Cokes got me all teary eyed....what a cutie

    Have a good weekend ...welcome to all the new posse-people

  16. I can't bring myself to join our PTA. No, no, no. But, as others have said, you may find it gives you great material for your blog.

    Coco, oh that little Coco! Could she be any cuter?

  17. Ok, where did you get Coco's shirt? I HAVE to get one for Alaina! Also, don't join the PTA. Maybe it's because of where I work, but I see the PTA as the devil...or at least a bunch of women portraying quite accurately what I would imagine the devil to be like. Ok, I'm jaded.

  18. Hi all, falling behind again in the comment commenting. But I want to say HELLO. So HELLO!

    ( the Nirvana shirt at a store in Post Alley, think it's called Boston Street? There are racks of all kinds of concert t's out front..)

    You guys all rock, as always, no surprise there, really.

  19. Your daughter needs to be in ads! Gosh she's the cutest thing ever. Glad to see you're still posting. Makes me want to visit Seattle one day...