Snow purgatory

It's Seattle Snowmaggedon 2012, or as I like to call it, "two inches of snow get a grip, city."  Seattle is a city incapable of dealing with snow.  If we get a couple inches of accumulation (what we would have called "a light dusting" back in Ohio) all the schools are closed and cars are sliding all over the place.  It's mind-boggling stuff.

Growing up in Ohio, school closure days were pretty rare.  We'd be hopeful and stay up to watch the late news only to hear, "Only fifteen feet of accumulation expected by morning so give up and go to bed, kids.  You're going to school even if you have to dig your way there yourselves using your tiny mittened hands and kitchen utensils."

But in Seattle, it's a couple inches and the schools close and everyone runs around all Chicken Little "STAY INSIDE WE GONNA DIE."

To be fair, of course, Ohio is flat.  Seattle is all big hills.  Ice on big hills is scary.  It doesn't help that Seattle has never heard of salt, not to mention salt trucks.  And I think the city must only have one snowplow and it must be somewhere else because so far I haven't seen it.  Keep all that in mind as you watch this video of my poor fellow Seattle citizens trying to drive in two inches of snow --

 Hang in there, guys

P.S. I think the person zooming past at 1:48 grew up in Ohio 

Even though I drive a badass four-wheel-drive Coloradomobile, I'm still not brave enough to face the menaces on the road.  Instead, I did something equally as stupid yesterday.  With both kids in tow, one in a stroller, I walked twenty blocks through the snowstorm to register our Coloradomobile at the King County administration building.

It was our last day to register the car without incurring a late fee.  It had been my plan for awhile to go Wednesday and dammit, a little snow and two kids home from school were not going to cost me $25.00.  Plus, I reasoned, there wouldn't be a line.  I'm a very good thinker.

It was one of the most miserable walks of our lives. Pushing a stroller through snow drifts and slush for twenty blocks with snow blowing in my face and Lucien asking, "Is this almost over, Mommy?" every ten seconds did not make for a leisurely downtown stroll.  My snow boots haven't arrived from France yet so my feet were soaked by block five.  The only gloves I have are the stylish fingerless beauties I bought in Paris.  Don't get me started on my houndstooth coat.

Crossing streets was exciting.  We stood far back from every intersection to make sure all cars that wanted to stop but couldn't stop slid down the hill past us before we started across.  For the most part, the drivers of those cars looked calm and resigned as they passed, kind of like, "ho-hum, snow day in Seattle here I go a-slidin' down to the waterfront I love coffee." 

We walked past quite a few employees of the downtown buildings who, after miraculously making it to work, decided to stand around outside watching snow mayhem instead of actually doing their work.  Several of them made comments like "Heh heh, you got four-wheel drive on that thing?" as I slipped and slid past with the stroller.  I resisted the urge to punch them in the face with a soaked-through fingerless-mittened fist.

 Downtown Seattle is lonely in a snowstorm

You should have seen the faces of the people at the vehicle registration office when I came through the door with hair plastered to my face, mascara running down to my chin and melted stroller snow trailing behind me like a river.  I immediately said, "I KNEW IT! NO LINE!" but no one congratulated me; they just stared at me like they couldn't believe a human being was stupid enough to come through a snowstorm to register her car.  Lucien told the lady behind the desk he couldn't feel his fingers anymore but I said "hush, child, mama just saved herself $25."  

I felt a real sense of accomplishment on the walk home as I tried to keep Coco's stroller on the sidewalk and screamed at Lucien "STAY NEXT TO ME OR YOU'LL GET HIT BY A CAR."  Most people just sit around, or worse, go out and have fun on a snow day.  But not us -- we get sh*t done. 

I do wish we were in a house instead of a downtown apartment during all this snow.  A yard would really come in handy right now, a fact that became obvious when Lucien flopped down in the middle of the sidewalk and tried to make a snow angel. 

City kid snow angel

I've just been notified schools are closed for a third day tomorrow.  Oh God.  A few days ago everyone was excited about snow days.  My friends' tweets and e-mails were, "Yeah!  Snow day!  Sledding!"  Then halfway through that first day they turned into, "Someone please take these kids" and now at the end of the second day they've turned into "Another snow day tomorrow?  Sweet merciful angel take me now, I'm ready." 

To end on a positive note, Whole Foods jalapeno hummus makes me proud to be an American.

Seattle, baby, your quirks are what make you you, but please consider a salt truck,
MJ