Ode to the Goddamn House

Oh, Goddamn House, how we've bled for you.

After two years of negotiating liens, worrying over scavengers and squatters, and fighting the urge to fly down to Texas to punch the vindictive ex-wife of the previous owner in the mouth, it's over.  Not only do we own The Goddamn House, but we've renovated it and, as of today, rented it to a ridiculously adorable family.

We originally heard of The Goddamn House while living in France, and wanted to live in it ourselves upon our return.  But the wait got too long, patience wore thin, eyes wandered, Banister Abbey was found.  It's a long story how we came to own The Goddamn House.  Let's just accept it at that and move on.

I held an Open House to find renters.  There was a good turnout and many applications were filed.  Thank God I received Cute Family's application first because second was a group of college students who said "dude" every other word and talked openly about the "awesome parties" they would have in the house. 

I envisioned all our hard work obscured by a thick layer of pot smoke, the beautiful floors a mess of alcohol bottles and used condoms, the walls punched full of holes, the windows broken by thrown chairs or perhaps thrown people.  I crossed my fingers mightily for Cute Family. 

Cute Family didn't let me down, passed the background and credit checks without a hiccup.  Even if I'd found felonies on both their records, I would have rented it to them anyway to avoid having a beer slip-n-slide installed in the dining room.

To bid adieu to the latest all-consuming chapter of life, here's a before-and-after slideshow of the house we love to love, The Goddamn House.

Before:

 After:

Before: 

 

After:

Before:

 

After:

Before:

 

After:

Before:

 

After:

 

Before:

After:

 

Before:

 

After:

 

Before:

 

After:

 Before:

 

After:

 

Before:

 

After:

 

Before:

 

After:

 

 

Before:

After:

 

I'm going to miss hanging out with the old girl.

Cute Family, I am lurking nearby, and am rocking myself to sleep tonight with the thought I can kick you out anytime I want to live in The Goddamn House myself. 

Now go enjoy your first weekend in your new home, really!
MJ