Friday, March 1, 2013

Ode to the Goddamn House

Oh, Goddamn House, how we've bled for you.

After two years of negotiating liens, worrying over scavengers and squatters, and fighting the urge to fly down to Texas to punch the vindictive ex-wife of the previous owner in the mouth, it's over.  Not only do we own The Goddamn House, but we've renovated it and, as of today, rented it to a ridiculously adorable family.

We originally heard of The Goddamn House while living in France, and wanted to live in it ourselves upon our return.  But the wait got too long, patience wore thin, eyes wandered, Banister Abbey was found.  It's a long story how we came to own The Goddamn House.  Let's just accept it at that and move on.

I held an Open House to find renters.  There was a good turnout and many applications were filed.  Thank God I received Cute Family's application first because second was a group of college students who said "dude" every other word and talked openly about the "awesome parties" they would have in the house. 

I envisioned all our hard work obscured by a thick layer of pot smoke, the beautiful floors a mess of alcohol bottles and used condoms, the walls punched full of holes, the windows broken by thrown chairs or perhaps thrown people.  I crossed my fingers mightily for Cute Family. 

Cute Family didn't let me down, passed the background and credit checks without a hiccup.  Even if I'd found felonies on both their records, I would have rented it to them anyway to avoid having a beer slip-n-slide installed in the dining room.

To bid adieu to the latest all-consuming chapter of life, here's a before-and-after slideshow of the house we love to love, The Goddamn House.

Before:

 After:



Before: 
 

After:





Before:
 

After:





Before:
 

After:





Before:
 

After:
 




Before:

After:
 




Before:
 

After:
 




Before:
 

After:




 Before:
 

After:



 
Before:
 

After:




 
Before:
 

After:
 


 
Before:

After:
 

I'm going to miss hanging out with the old girl.

Cute Family, I am lurking nearby, and am rocking myself to sleep tonight with the thought I can kick you out anytime I want to live in The Goddamn House myself. 

Now go enjoy your first weekend in your new home, really!
MJ

47 comments:

  1. Bonjour MJ-- You have done a spectacular job renovating that house! It's just beautiful. The cute family is lucky to be able to rent it, and I certainly would not blame you for lurking in the shadows and waiting for an opportunity to pounce on that piece of property. Now tell me, be honest: Don't you ever miss this *cozy* little apartment you rented in the 6th arrondissement? I bet you do. I bet you do... Veronique (French Girl in Seattle)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bonjour, Veronique!

      Thank you. Love that stupid house. And regarding the apartment in the 6th.... oh.... maybe I miss it. Just a little. Maybe a lot. It was a lot less to manage, anyway. Plus, of course, Paris.

      Best to you!

      Delete
  2. Beautiful redo, congrats! Jeannine

    ReplyDelete
  3. Every once in a while I wondered if you would post this very blog. It was worth waiting for. Hope "cute family" lives happily ever after there or a few years anyway. Kathy in Iowa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I didn't let you down, Kathy. I was just waiting for it to truly be over, you know, to maximize my sadness about it being truly over.

      Delete
  4. OMG TOO MANY COMMENTS TO MAKE! First off: you mean you were actually able to salvage a light fixture in the upstairs room plus the tub and sink? After having to replace and repaint everything else in that house, those small victories must have felt HUGE. And I can't even think where to start about the graffiti (except the dude couldn't REMBER how to spell REMEMBER because he'd had that 4th beer, apparently).

    Really, really gorgeous. Wishing I was moving to Seattle so I could rent it from you. Or can you pack it up and send it over here to Paris? I know it would look out of place here but Goddamn, this House is fabulous!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lisa! Thanks so much. It felt awesome to be able to salvage that clawfoot tub in the bathroom. It's pretty perfect.

      The light fixture in that upstairs bathroom, not so much. The one show in the "Before" picture was stolen by evil scavengers before the sale of the house was completed. Story of much of the house; they would have taken the tub too if it wasn't so damn heavy.

      Anyway, thank you, and if you ever DO move to Seattle, it's all yours!


      Delete
  5. Wow -- what a transformation! Absolutely beautiful! I think your trials and tribulations with this house have now come full circle. Take a bow!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh Earl, how we shall miss your pearls of wisdom. Sigh.

    Holy heck woman, didn't you just buy the goddamn house yesterday? Where in hell did you find time to do all this! It's absolutely stunning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bec! I miss Earl. He really spoke to my inner chaos.

      We turned the GD House around in two months. It was a blur. It was all-consuming. Contractor God busted his a**. Now he's disappeared and isn't talking to anybody. I think we broke him.

      Worth it!
      Hugs, Bec, my sister on another continent.

      Delete
  7. love it, love it!! i'm a huge sucker for before and afters and old houses and seattle and funny stories...
    nice work!

    ReplyDelete
  8. MJ, it's soo cute! Great work! We live next door to those exact college students - they are the worst.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Lauren! I'm so sorry about your neighbors.... dude....

      Delete
  9. It looks great, MJ. Well worth the wait! :)
    Susan P

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you, Susan!

    Now everybody, please, a round of applause for Susan P.! She's our real estate agent and didn't even THINK about killing us in the two years it took for us to buy this house. Huzzah, Susan, Huzzah! You are a queen amongst realtors.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Major major house porn! Love it:)

    What a beauty! Wow! Is it me or that renovation went really quickly?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Duchesse! The renovation did go quickly. When you're bleeding money out your ears, you tend to move as fast as possible to get the dang thing rented. Great motivation!

      If only we could move that fast on our own house....

      Bye, D!

      Delete
  12. Holy Hell! Look at that goddamned house! Who would ever have imagined that it could look like that? You..obviously. Well done, You!

    ReplyDelete
  13. How WONDERFUL to see this update! I adore the before and after photos, but I have always been a sucker for those. Cute Family is lucky, and I am glad that you have an adorable fall-back if Bannister Abbey doesn't work out for any reason. YAY!

    Golly, I remember all the trauma when you were in Paris about The Goddamn House. Seeing all this is kinda making me almost believe in Goddamn Miracles, lol.

    Hugs and gros bisous to you and the fam.
    xoxo
    Karin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karin! Seriously, the drama over this house. It went on forever.

      I like that we have it as a fallback, too. I've also joked with friends on the street that we're going to "summer on the Street of Dreams." It will be our weekend home. It's a handful of blocks away from our real home, but whatever!

      Lots of love to you. So happy for those FB photos I saw recently. I'm going to be in CO this summer, must see you!

      Delete
  14. It took two years altogether?! Wow!

    Well done, Susan!:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Super well done. She didn't abandon us even when the going got stupid tough.

      Delete
  15. It looks unbelievable! I would totally want to live there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Michelle! If you move out to Seattle you totally can...

      High five!

      Delete
  16. Thank you for the house porn! Nothing better than a freshly done beautiful house!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone loves house porn and you're welcome! There will be more if we ever finish Banister Abbey.... aye ye ye.

      Delete
  17. For my part, I noticed 4 (FOUR !) photos of the kitchen !! This says something !! I really love the black & white tiles on the kitchen's floor ! So french ! Maybe you know that we have a say in France : kitchen is the soul of the house ! Well, in that case, this house has a great soul !
    Nice regards from a faithful reader from the French Riviera,
    Cécile

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bonjour, Cecile! It's true the kitchen is the heart and soul of a house. It was the focus of this renovation, think it paid off.

      My contractor rolled his eyes a million times at the black-n-white checkerboard tiles. You either love 'em or you hate 'em!

      I'm so happy to know I still have a reader in France.
      Merci, Cecile!

      Delete
    2. De rien, c'est toujours un réel plaisir !

      Delete
  18. Wow, it's been 2 years since we first saw The Goddamn house? It is stunning, so glad you used before and after shots to really drive home the difference. Great job you guys!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Tyra. I can't believe it's been two years either. Sometimes it feels even longer, especially when I remember all the angry hair-pulling and stressed-out pacing and yelling. It's been quite the debacle but it turned out OK.

      Thanks, Tyra!

      Delete
  19. love love love it...the kitchen is fab....I've been away so I'm late to the comment party...but lucky family to have this house to live in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Debbie! And I was wondering where you were....

      Delete
    2. Hey Debs!:)

      I was starting to wonder if it was two weeks instead of one that you were spending in the DR!:)

      Delete
  20. Ooooooh! Pretty pretty house! Far too pretty for a group of college kids. YAY to the cute family! :-) Well done Mindy.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh, my goodness! Ridiculously Adorable Family is going to live in a Ridiculously Adorable House, good work! I bet that house cries with joy when it sees you. Contractor God did a marvelous job and it's so great that you rescued that house! Yay!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, that is some blog name you've got there, Minda.

      Resurrecting that old house is one of my finest achievements thus far. I would add Banister Abbey to the list but it's not likely to be completed in my lifetime. We'll have to see.

      Delete
  22. Btw, someday I may beg you to offer advice on remodeling. You know...if your heart can take it. ;)
    Minda

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anytime, Minda, anytime... it's one of my most favorite things to talk about. I'll bring coffee.

      Delete
  23. This is some seriously IMPRESSIVE before and after!!!! Cute Family doesn't know how good they have it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Katie! I will remind Cute Family every day how good they have it. They're gonna love me.

      Delete