Friday, November 1, 2013

Worms, bloody brains, and singing bacon

I love throwing Halloween parties.  Halloween is a holiday that doesn't take itself seriously.  The menu planning, the decorating, the wardrobe consideration -- all are more fun for Halloween because they're based on what's weirder/funnier/grosser and deliberated while eating handfuls of mini Snickers.

Indeed, I love throwing Halloween parties right up until the hour before the party begins.  At that point I hate throwing Halloween parties.  No matter how seamless party preparations have been up until then, the hour before is when everything suddenly goes inexplicably wrong.

That's when the sound system crashes, annihilating the carefully constructed Halloween playlist, and the mixologist friend who was in charge of making the rosemary-infused Aperol punch cancels so I have to learn how to make it myself in five minutes-- and there's math involved because ounces and milliliters are different -- and I burn the last batch of my mummy wieners, and I realize we're hopelessly short on ice, and my "blood spattered popcorn" becomes "dirt spattered popcorn" when I drop half of it on the floor.

My Halloween costume was inspirational...

"We CAN throw a party," says Rosie

...but it didn't stop me from muttering "I'm never doing this again" while scooping handfuls of popcorn off the floor into my mouth and yelling at Alex to get up on a chair in the middle of the room.  Plan B for the missing music was him singing the playlist into a toy microphone.

A piece of bacon singing "Thriller."  Best party ever.

The sound system got its sh*t together and started working after the first people arrived.

As soon as our friends started showing up, all party-throwing angst disappeared. 

I could never regret you, Green Fairy.

Or you, Government Shutdown. 

You're worth it, Early-Onset Dementia

A sign of a successful Halloween menu is when guests not only won't eat the food, they won't stand within several feet of the table.

they don't want the worms

or the kitty litter

or the bloody brain

My sister -- I'll call her Raba -- recently moved to Seattle!  She moved here to be with her girlfriend, Zee.  They've since gotten engaged and we're all very excited.  I love those all-girl weddings.

 Yep, Raba and Zee are vampires. Get over it already!

Raba and I have always been told we look alike. One friend at the Halloween party talked at length to Raba not realizing she was my sister.  At one point he interrupted her to say, "It's so, so weird but you and MJ could honestly be twins." 

He eventually found out we were sisters.  I think he was relieved by the DNA explanation but also a little disappointed -- because for just a moment, the world was a mystical and wondrous place.

It ended up being a late night involving dancing by the drunker guests.  In a profound moment of reconciliation, Contractor God showed up (he's alive!) and danced solo to "Rump Shaker." I decided to forgive him for abandoning our house project.  It's hard to stay mad at a middle-aged man twerking in your living room under a blacklight.

All I wanna do is zooma zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom.

Have some pumpkin vomit 

Halloween isn't just for adults. We shared it with the kids, too.  On Halloween we joined our circle of C.D. friends at the neighborhood cinema to watch Halloween cartoons, eat some dinner and drink some beers.

That's Snow White and Zombie Doctor mesmerized by Frankenweenie.

Then we all descended upon the neighborhood.  Trick or treat chaos ensued.

Here in the C.D. we cross streets in groups of 50 

And take group photos in front of corner stores 

Hey, that's a pretty good deal on those packs of Newports...

Bummer Halloween is over.  But in happy holiday news, I've already found Alex's Christmas present --

or maybe I'll go with this --

Either way, I'm wrapping that guy in something.

And lastly, this just happened to Oscar the schnauzer --

He had surgery on his eye and is now the most despondent animal on the planet.  Not only is he pain-medicated to the hilt, he can't navigate doorways with his cone.  He often catches the side of the cone on the door frame.  He then stands there frozen, confused, groggily swaying, and makes quiet whining sounds until I come get him.  Oscar's Halloween costume was misery this year.

See you next time, goofy holiday,


  1. Love the Seattle Moxie costume! How so very à propos!:)

    I made the kitty litter for a friend's birthday a few years back:) It was a big hit!:) His then girlfriend had bought him a cat as a present and that was the litterbox he later used for it:)

    Oh God… the puking pumpkin...

    Yeah! Aunt Raba moving to Seattle!:) How exciting!:) And I too love those all-girls weddings!:) Girl power, I say!:) (My stance on the whole issue is hardly surprising in light of my comment/rant from your last post:)) And you do look a lot alike!

    I'm not surprised everything crapped up an hour before the party. We're in Mercury retrograde. And it's a brutal one this time!

    Contractor God is back?! Mon Dieu!:) It's a Halloween miracle!:)

    Oscar has got the opposite of the power nap head pillow...

    1. D! I know... my Mom told me my costume wasn't very creative this year because everyone expected it of me. Oh well, sometimes a girl just has to channel her alter ego in a really predictable way.

      Mercury retrograde, you say? What else should I be looking out for? Is it time to hide in the closet until you tell me it's safe to come out?

      Contractor God was back for the party only. We're quite loyal to our current team of contractors. They're busting their asses out there and we love them for it. C.G. made an appearance and will now probably crawl back into the hole from whence he came. It was good seeing him again, though. Miss that team of crazy guys.

      Sorry I didn't respond to any comments on last blog post. I always try to do that, but last time it all just got a bit away from me. You go, girl, tirade away. You're preaching to the choir in these parts.

      Bye, Duchesse!

  2. Say, did people finally eat something? And what is that brain made of? And the pumpkin vomit? Is it some kind of dip?

    1. The picture of me and Al the bacon was taken at the very end of the night -- the table behind us has zero food. We learned if you give people enough to drink, they'll eventually eat just about anything. Boom.

      The brain is a panna cotta with a cranberry glaze. The pumpkin vomit is a spinach kale dip. So tasty.

  3. Best looking Halloween party ever! I dunno what looks more appetizing; the pumpkin vomit or the kitty litter.

    1. It's truly a toss-up, Ms. H.

    2. Well, in all fairness, they both look like they've been "tossed up";)


  4. The blood spatters on the table cloth was an especially nice touch!

  5. That was a terribly grammatically incorrect sentence - the blood spatters WERE a nice touch. Sheesh - Mondays.

  6. Duchesse is upset with me because I didn't comment so here I am commenting...

    nice vomit.

    1. Upset, no. Concerned, yes;) how can there be no debs' comment when there are brains and puking pumpkins involved? Even just a heartfelt, succinct " EWWWWWWWWWWWW"?;))