Friday, March 30, 2012

The boy is mine

Chickens are a "thing" in Seattle now.  We came back from Paris to find chickens in most of our friends' backyards.  If you're cool, you have chickens.  If you're cool but extremely unlucky, one of your "chickens" turns out to be a rooster.  Those boys are loud. 

A classmate of Lucien's has chickens.  They recently invited us over to see their new baby chicks.  The family is a lesbian couple with two daughters, so I considered saying, "Wow, this house really is full of chicks" when I walked through the door, but didn't.  I'm going to save that comment for when I know them better, though, because I think it's pretty good.

You would think holding chicks would be a delightful experience, but instead it's nerve-wracking, bordering on heart attack-inducing.  Both Lucien and Coco were excited, squeezing the tiny fragile bodies in a terrifying way that made the chicks squeak.  I performed many chick interventions, and gave chick-holding demonstrations, all while being climbed upon by many baby chicks. We lost one for awhile under the couch, then another behind a pillow.  I spent the visit thinking "we're going to kill one, maybe two, so when it happens, Imma run." Remarkably, all chicks were unscathed when we left but they probably needed some stiff drinks.


We've been to a lot of restaurants lately.  They've all been great except for the last one, which was a disaster, but we'll get to that in a minute.

We met our friends, Beer Guy and Beer Gal (they brew beer at their place, thus a new blog moniker is born), for brunch at Skillet diner on Capitol Hill.  The thing that matters most at Skillet, and possibly in this world, is the cinnamon roll.  Skillet's cinnamon rolls are as big as your head, and arrive hot and drowned in icing.  I'd gained three pounds by the time I finished it, but it was well worth snug jeans.

The combination of Bloody Mary and cinnamon roll is a little rough, but who cares.


A few hours later, I had dinner at Marjorie with a childhood friend and his wife.  The childhood friend -- Video Game Guy -- and I haven't seen each other since high school graduation.  Our mutual friend, Facebook, put us back in contact and informed us we were both Seattleites.  Unlike the many times you reconnect with someone via Facebook and realize you now despise them with every fiber of your being, Video Game Guy and I are a Facebook success story.

The food was good, but perhaps not as noteworthy as the sign posted at the bar --

 You can just barely see the sign hanging underneath the guy in the fake Hofbräuhaus t-shirt (a Hofbräuhaus in Vegas?  Is nothing sacred?) It says "No minors. No firearms."  That was just for the bar, though, so the handguns we had at the table were OK.

Also noteworthy is the bathroom.  There's a record player in there, so you can choose the music to which you'd like to pee.  Miles Davis was playing when I walked in.  I could have spent the entire evening in the bathroom with the vinyl but went back to the table for fear Video Game Guy would unfriend me.

 sweet, sweet pee tunes

Now I'm going to change the mood significantly.  Fun and games are over because our third restaurant was a disaster, to put it mildly.  I'm sick, frankly, of talking about what happened so the blog's getting a much-abbreviated version.

We met friends at a nearby alehouse -- an alehouse infamous for its toy corner moshpit, kids underfoot, chaos, and general mayhem.  Perhaps it wasn't the original intent of the restaurant, but it's the environment that's grown there over the years, and it's the main reason we go there, to give Lucien a longer "leash" than we would in a more traditional restaurant.  We thought it was OK to do so.  We were wrong.

An elderly man, unbeknownst to us, grew irate at Lucien and his friend's constant back-and-forth in front of his table.  It's unclear how the altercation began, but according to the kids, it began with Lucien's friend being yelled at by the man.  The friend cried, prompting his father to get up from his table and come over.  Lucien then either said something mouthy or made a face at the man seated in the booth.  The man then grabbed Lucien -- by the neck -- and shook him. 

The dad of Lucien's friend, who was by then standing next to him, yelled loudly and pulled the man's hands off Lucien's neck.  The restaurant went silent, staff (eventually) came over, the man denied he touched Lucien, that "he would never hurt a child."  Right.

The aftermath has been lengthy and tiring.  I mailed letters to the management and posted an angry message on a popular parenting listserve, which got me a barrage of comments from opinionated people on all sides.  I spent a full day plodding through and answering all the direct emails in my inbox, either thanking them for their support or thanking them for their opinion we're crap parents.  That day was long.

But it did have the effect I hoped for -- someone forwarded it to the owner of the alehouse and he was in touch with me within twenty-four hours.  He's a good guy, father of three himself, and was suitably appalled by what happened.  He and his staff are pulling receipts from that evening in an attempt to both identify the man and contact more eyewitnesses. 

Lucien's OK, though still processing.  Sometimes he'll be sitting in silence and suddenly say something like, "You know, Mom, I bet that man just likes to squeeze kids' necks, so he goes to that restaurant because he knows there will be lots of necks to squeeze."  It hasn't slowed him down much, but it's evident he's still trying to figure out what went wrong, too.

We have no interest in suing the man or filing a police report, as many have suggested.  Whenever he's identified, I want only to write him a letter, tell him he can deny it all he wants but we know what he did, it was an assault, and it was wrong no matter what Lucien said or did to him.  I want to scare that asshole so he never, ever touches a kid again. 

It was so confusing in the restaurant,  Alex and I didn't get a chance to confront the man before he left.  Lucien didn't see us defend him, and that pains us greatly.  We just want the chance to do so now.

You have absolutely no right, ever, to touch a child in anger. 
(Everyone knows this except assholes.)

It's been a rough week, posse.  Sure could use a few cinnamon rolls over here,
MJ

53 comments:

  1. OMG, MJ. You always know the world is full of assholes on a certain level, but it must be so scary to be confronted by one assaulting your child. How did this asshole get to leave the restaurant without the police being called? I'm surprised your friend didn't deck him, but that would mean he'd be in trouble now, so not a good idea (though I'm sure he really wanted to).
    No witty words today, just one mom sending hugs to another mom who needs one.
    Jo

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    1. Thanks, Jo. The man left before anyone could really figure out what happened. It was a confusing scene.

      We actually didn't know the dad who got involved. It was a friend Lucien made at the restaurant -- we'd never met them before. Silver lining is we know them know, and we're planning to get the boys together soon.

      Delete
  2. WOW!! Not much I could say other than that. I have been following your blog for a long time, initially for the love of Paris and the way you write which made me feel as if I was there. But then it turned cathartic as I to have a similar acting high-spirited, energetic, fun loving, does not fit in the “box”, would not change him for the world 5 year old boy. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I am so lucky to be his mommy … even though I often pull my hair out and rock quietly in the corner after breaks from school!:-)

    If anyone ever dared show him that side of the world, one that I hope to protect him from for a long time, I would be beside myself. So sorry your family had to experience that, I’m sure it’s very unsettling. I hope everything turns out for the best and just maybe that bitch named KARMA comes knockin’ on his door soon!

    I'm with Jo ... sending more mom hugs!!

    Michelle - in Florida

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    1. Thanks for the support after a very shitty week. I'm feeling quite protective of my not-in-the-box boy. Be good to my boy, world, please!

      It was a lesson learned, even if it was a horrible and scary one. Sometimes people are terrible, son. Rough one for a six-year-old.

      Thanks again, Michelle.

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  3. My heart stopped when I read what happened to Lucien... not to be dramatic, but it's very upsetting to think anyone could be so out of control and Lucien suffered for it.
    Nothing Lucien did has anything to do with someone else's aggression. He's a child, and the adults should act like adults.

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    1. Thanks, Lou. My heart kind of dropped out of my body when I understood what happened to him. Pretty horrible feeling.

      Thanks for the support. Ugh.

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  4. That guy is lucky he escaped unidentified because he'd have to face the Wrath of Da Posse. I know I'd be on the first plane over to do some serious nut-kicking. I've had a stranger grab my kid too and know the horrible surge of confusion, rage and protectiveness. And that lingering feeling of goddamn impotence.

    Oh MJ. How much I wish this hadn't happened to you. No doubt your comments will be full of support. And can I just say WTF is wrong with any of those people who said you were bad parents????????? (That deserves many a question mark). I just don't get that at all.

    Virtual hugs and coffee scrolls.

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    1. Bec! I knew you'd be full of the wrath. Love it. I'm sorry you, too, know what it's like to have someone get aggressive with your child. There's a lot of confusion at first, a lot of anger after! And yep, here comes that helplesness...

      But it's OK, we're gonna get past it, things are starting to calm down again, all is well!

      (The "crap parent" came from comments that children should not be roaming restaurants. They make a good point, and ordinarily The Loosh doesn't roam, but we always felt more "free" in this particular restaurant. It was a false sense of freedom, I guess.)

      Bye Bec, hugs right back atcha.

      Delete
  5. Holy what-the-what, in which universe is letting a kid play in a restaurant a worse offence than grabbing same kid around the throat??

    Just also wanted to say... peeing to Miles Davis? On vinyl no less? Now I've officially seen the coolest thing ever.

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  6. MJ, I'm of the firm belief that one does not touch a strange child unless it is to save his/her life. Big hugs to you, Lucien and the rescuer dad! This week HAS to be better!

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  7. As I started reading I thought I'd comment to tell you that you were right to be concerned for the Chicks (all of them in the house), as my BIL gets "Easter Chicks" every year and when his son was about 3 my BIL did the unthinkable -- accidentally stepped on the chick and squashed it like a bug right in front of his son. Talk about therapy.

    But, then the blog took a turn to the Dark Side (only Vader was missing, I suppose). So sorry. As a parent to an extremely lively 6 year old (and I am seeing small signs of him being able to reign it in if it gives you any hope) I know the blood-boiling feeling when an outsider intervenes even if they have the best intensions to help. Sounds like Old Man didn't have any intentions but to be outed as an @$$!

    Your experience does make me rethink my biz idea to open a kid-friendly restaurant in the U.S. when we move back from France. I wouldn't want to attract @$$holes. I think being exiled to the Hippo when we're out with the kids makes me yearn for a place that we can be free and not have to pepper our conversation with "ssshhhhh...lower your voice" every 15 seconds.

    You've made it through the worst of this experience and you're doing great!

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    1. Thanks, LAC. Don't let this experience dissuade you from opening a family-friendly restaurant -- they're the sh*t, for real. We love the idea behind them, but rules of conduct need to be obvious for those with kids and those without kids alike.

      The owner says he's had similar incidents in the past. It's inevitable in a place like that. He's using the opportunity to re-train his staff, and get the word out about his new rules for the place. All in all, it's going to make his restaurant a safer and happier place. And Lucien, of course, is a buoyant one, so it's all going to be just fine.

      Hippo. Ugh. We really hated that place, yet where else can you go??

      Thanks for the support. And don't give up the dream, it's OK!

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    2. Wow!! - the poor squashed chick scene was definetly not a Hallmark moment.
      To stop the crying and wailing I would immediately start lying, pick it up (uuggh) and say I'm taking it to the hospital so they can re-inflate it then walk out and throw it over the fence.

      Delete
  8. My God! I can understand getting ticked off with a kid, but to squeeze his neck and shake him?! When you're tired and want a quiet dinner, you don't go to a family place. That's simple. I'm glad you're standing up for the Loosh like you did at the Lux a few years back!

    "The dad of Lucien's friend, who was by then standing next to him, yelled loudly and pulled the man's hands off Lucien's neck. The restaurant went silent, staff (eventually) came over, the man denied he touched Lucien, that "he would never hurt a child."

    What a sick, lying bastard! Were it not for the whole trauma of the procedure, it might be worth pressing charges... cuz with that type of delusional psycho, a letter's probably not gonna have much impact.

    Glad you're feeling better now. Big virtual hugs to you and the Loosh!

    M xoxo

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    1. Hi Duchesse. We can only assume the man wandered in there by mistake, not realizing what kind of place it was. When we first saw him and his wife sitting there, we assumed they were grandparent-type people. My own parents often seek out kids, because they love to watch them and compare them to their grandkids. We assumed they were doing that kind of thing, happy to be around little kid activity and noise. I think we were wrong.

      We're not going to press charges, but want to make contact to let him know we COULD if we wanted to. Am hoping for a written apology, but probably shouldn't get my hopes up on that one. Meh.

      Bye, Duchesse. Thanks, and hugs.

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  9. Maybe you ought to consider paying a lawyer just to send a formal letter to that man, instead of it being only from you and Alex, to let him know that what he did IS assault and that he's lucky you haven't hauled his cranky, nasty ass into court. People are even more impressed (scared) when they get letters from lawyers. Might be worth a couple hundred bucks to drive the point home. Glad Lucien's OK, poor little guy sure didn't deserve that no matter what he may have done.
    Have an extra cinnamon roll. You've earned it.

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    1. Hi Bold Soul. Interesting idea re: letter from a lawyer. I, of course, want to tell him off myself, but it would certainly carry more weight coming from a lawyer. We've got some lawyer friends, maybe they'll do us a favor.

      Cinnamon roll? Yes, please!

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    2. Or get your dad to write him a letter!:) One should always have a lawyer in the family:) They're most handy:)

      Delete
  10. PS I'm sure others have said this but just keep reinforcing to Lucien that in NO way was he at fault for what that man did, that it is NEVER OK for an adult to put their hands on a child in anger like that, and he's a good boy who just got caught up in a very bad situation. Let him know YOU know he's good and you are sticking up for him. Lots of extra love and cuddles for him, I'm sure he's thinking about it even if he's not talking about it.

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    1. Thanks, Bold Soul. We've told him many times he did nothing wrong. I think he gets it, but of course he's still thinking about it, and probably will be for awhile.

      Never OK. Never.

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  11. I guess another thing that bothers me is all your experiences in France never even came close to an incident like this one. Why would someone here in the USA ever feel they had the right to physically harm a child but it happens all to often and breaks my heart...so sorry MJ that this happened to your family. Kathy

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    1. Hi Kathy. The irony is we spent most of the evening saying things like "We missed this place so much when we were in France!" And we did. There aren't really "family friendly" restaurants in Paris -- ones with toys and noisy atmosphere and whatnot -- and we missed them horribly. Closest thing you can get is Hippo, and even then we used to get dirty looks if the Loosh's voice rose above a whisper.

      Sucks we encountered such a rough customer at one of our old favorite places. Can't go back now -- good news is there are other similar places, and we'll keep Lucien much, much closer when we go to them.

      Thanks Kathy.

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  12. wow...I'm with Lou....no matter what a kid is doing..especially when it's not your kid, there is no excuse to grab him by the throat...period.
    wow....

    it's a rough world out there...keep the Loosh close.

    big hugs to you all.

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    1. Thanks, Debbie. No matter how badly a kid is annoying you, keep your hands to yourself and use your words -- complain to a server, complain to a manager, complain to the parents, etc. etc. Isn't that obvious? Guess not to everyone.

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  13. All the dinosaurs I know and me are coming to the rescue of the Loosh. Maybe we will stuff cinammon rolls in the mouth of that awful man! (yes I AM kind of vindictive). Hugs to the Loosh and the shaken family. La pomme du verger.

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    1. Merci, lapomme. Bring that dinosaur army -- but let's not waste cinnamon rolls on the man! Those are for me. Thanks for your support!

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  14. Imma gonna ignore the last part of your blog. I'm still trying to process. Read the posts on the mouthy mommy blog. You've got a lot going on here my dear. I'm around if you need support.

    Instead I'm going to comment on the beginning of your post. Chickens are the shizzle. We grew up with free range chickens in our yard (Yep. Right there in the tony suburb across the lake). They were fun to watch flapping down from trees in the morning and eating up bugs in the late afternoon. If we could just fence in our yard sufficiently I'd get a few myself. ...promise I'd share the eggs if I do.

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    1. Hi you. Sorry I didn't fill you in on when I saw you Sunday -- I actually wasn't sure if you knew or not, and if you did, I assumed you were giving me a much-needed break from thinking about it!

      The whole thing is quite the saga -- reasons for being mad in the beginning are not the reasons we're made now, etc. etc. The owner claims the mouthy moms have done him a huge service, and he's thankful the whole thing blew up the way it did. He's going to make changes to the alehouse, and hopefully stuff like this will never happen again (he's had similar incidents in the past...so things needed to change, I guess...)

      Anyway, hugs to you. Wasn't trying to keep you in the dark Sunday, just too tired to talk about it anymore!

      Hugs. Gimme some eggs.

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  15. He handled it badly and was impulsive--sometimes old geezers do that. lucien wasn't harmed and I'm sure the guy just wanted him to stop running back and forth in front of him

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    1. Hi Anon -- Here's hoping that's what the guy wanted. If he did it for no reason at all, he's an even bigger asshat than we originally thought.

      My guess is he won't choose that restaurant a second time.

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  16. Looks like the posse's got you covered on the flaming asshole restaurant guy so I'll leave it there. Although, contrary to instinct, I'm glad you didn't get a chance to confront the guy. I swear it would have made things worse. Heat of the moment and all that.

    I tell ya if I found a bathroom with a record selection, I would be in the bathroom so much people would start talking, casting aspersions even.

    I chuckled and chortled over all the 'chicks' at the lesbian household. Whole lotta clucking going on.

    Concerning the restaurant with the rigid 'no firearms' rules;
    I'd be a little disappointed having to sit at a table instead of the bar. They do come in handy at restaurants though. If service is bad or slow I just brandish my Glock, holler and wave it around a little and voila, the service immediately improves.

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    1. Hi Bill. Glad to hear there still chuckles to be had in the downer post. Chicks chicks chicks.

      Is it wrong I've considered going back to that restaurant to flip through the records some more? I didn't have a lot of time to do so the first time, would like to go check it out again. Maybe I'll just grab a drink at the gun-less bar, give me a reason to go back into their bathroom.

      I'm a huge fan of firearms in restaurants. God bless the U.S.A.

      Bye, Bill.

      Delete
    2. I tell ya, when you got that Glock out, they call you "sir" a lot.
      But seriously folks
      If he paid by credit card and you got an approximate time and the restaurant still has the data, its possible to find him. Otherwise he's long gone and its a case of having to let go.
      If they're jerks when they're old, they were jerks when they were young. He's spent his whole life being an asshole and a bully to others if he was bigger than they were. So it would be nice to yank his chain some,
      especially, like you mentioned, with a letter from a lawyer. Then again there's nothing wrong with letting go. You've reassured Lucien and that's what matters.

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    3. Again, well said, Bill! old or young doesn't matter... it's the person.
      It might be better that you didn't have time to respond then, I remember defending my son for splashing too much in a pool (eons ago, he's grown now), and I was so angry that anyone thought they had the right to yell at my kid... only I get to do that, right?! I think I told them they better not ever address him, just me, and it was pretty ugly. My friend kidded me about giving them the finger for years.

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  17. Oh Girl. Tough tough and more tough. I'm so sorry you guys are facing this...whatever this is. (Can't a family go out for a few brews?) Kids are way resilient. (Wow. I still sound like a Californian don't I?! Way. Dude.) Using your words would work in a situation like this, but how do you teach an old guy that? Parenting is tough. Crazy tough. It would be much easier if there weren't idiot adults making it harder.

    Smooch the little man a few extra tonight.
    A
    aka StayingPositive

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  18. I have been reading your blog for a long time MJ, partly because your little guy reminds me so much of my own little guy, who is now all grown up. My boy used to annoy grown ups like crazy. He would get himself into all kinds of trouble. If someone was going to get accused of something it was going to be him. And on and on. He just had no filter, but he had an open heart and a love of people, and absolutely no fear. The point I am getting to is that now he is married and a father himself, and a very, very successful lawyer. That openness and goodness as an adult draws people to him. He knows absolutely everyone, and people love him. I think Loosh is that kind of guy. He just needs to grow up.

    I hope the neck grabber gets whats coming to him. He will. They all do in the end.

    And keep telling the Loosh stories. Gosh they bring me joy!

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  19. Just read your post, I am sorry you as a parent and especially your son had to experience that. It would be do hard to get the horrible experience/image out of your head. If I was licensed in WA, I would send the Atty letter for you. On a different note, who was the person for high school. There are definite positives from Facebook. Take care and I hope that is your son's only experience with assault. Jill.

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  20. Chickens ? Are we eating eggs or chicken ? What is up with chicken ? Oy Vey with the Chicken already .......

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    1. When I wrote the above comment, I think I was having a flashback to the time you promised me taco truck and brought me chicken instead. Rhaaaa, Nibs and Yes Please, I will leave your comment section alone now :)

      Delete
  21. P.S.
    Karma. Seattle "Shit for brains" You better sleep with one eye open..... pathetic. Sad. Loser. Loosh probably tried to kick you in the balls but he couldn't find any ... Eat Chicken shithead.

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  22. The poor little guy, I'm so sorry he had to go through that, you guys too. He will get his, miserable people always do.

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  23. Hey ho (not that I'm calling you a ho)

    Just checking in to see how everyone's doing? I baked you a virtual cinnamon bun but it melted all over my hard drive, so here's a bunny instead...

    (\_/)
    ( 'x' )
    (")-(")

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  24. I've only been in the position where some jackass *frightened* my son...and that didn't go at all well. Managers whisked my son away to the bakery for cookies while I was damn near anesthetized, I was so angry... I am so, so sorry that poor Lucien had to experience what he did, that all of you did. Just repeating what others have written, I know, but he will get through this and be okay, and you guys will, too. Loosh is about the most adorable, hilarious, sunny boy on this planet and we love sharing pieces of your life... just so sorry this happened. Sending giant hugs from St. Paul!

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  25. Keep the faith, MJ. Not all strangers are a-holes. Lucien knows you'd fight dragons for him.

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  26. I can't add much more than the supportive posse has already said. So sorry to hear all this - and what a deep thinker you have on your hands! We've got your back. And Lucien's. And the chicks'.

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  27. I am trying to think of some sort of wise Oprah teachable moment bs but all i got is in general (grandparents excluded and whatnot), old people suck and i know we are all going to be old one day. Hopefully Loosh has forgotten all about it by now. Perhaps you can write a letter and not send it there that is my Oprah teachable moment bs for ya. If that doesn't work be like Ellen and dance it out.

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  28. I can't believe it took me so long to see this post...I had been eager to read it ever since Blogger gave us a sneak peak about chickens!
    I raise chickens and it is funny how it is all of the sudden becoming a "cool" thing. People used to turn their nose up at me, now they are like "Yeah, growing your own food, that's cool man." How times change.

    So sorry to hear about what happened to Lucian. As a mother there is nothing worse than having something happen to one of your kids. I am sure he knows you will do all in your power to protect him, your response since the attack will have proved to him that you are their to fight for your boy! Hang in there mama-bear, hope this week is full of happiness!

    ~Melanie

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  29. Just getting around today. SO sorry this happened to you and your family. It just plain sucks but I do believe the fear of legal repercussions should be put upon the guy. Next time he might just behave with dignity...then again that is unlikely I suppose.
    If we stay silent, nothing will ever change and boy do we need change!
    xx
    z

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  30. It's concerning. I think z police report would be appropriate cause this guy is out of control!

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