Tuesday, December 20, 2011

See MJ Grow

Here's a quote from my parents -- "Hey, what happened to all our Double Stuff Oreos?"

No, I'm kidding, that quote hasn't actually been said, but it will be soon because I have chocolate crumbs all over my face and those Oreos are gone, baby, gone.

Here are a few quotes that really have been uttered here in Colorado the past handful of days:

"Your sister came into the room, found your brother in a trance, and decided she didn't want anything to do with that."

"I never could get very excited about fingers.  I mean, I can appreciate what they do, but really, what's the big deal?"

"Garden Jesus is still lit up... oh good, he's gone now, you got him."

"Your father was in charge of protecting Cleveland from intercontinental mussels."

It's not surprising another quote --  "What the hell are you talking about?" -- has been said a few dozen times since I've walked in the house, too.

Coco has decided to leave the Christmas tree alone but is now going after the manger scene with a vengeance.  Today she grabbed a Wise Man and a shepherd and made them fight.  Then she took both of them for a walk in a stroller, so I guess they're cool now.

We've done lots of fun things.  And by "fun" I mean "we're only doing this crap for the kids."  A couple days ago we went to the Colorado Railroad Museum in Golden, Colorado.  It was a mob scene with a billion children and an overwhelmed Santa Claus and a large cartoonish dog engineer mascot walking around shaking hands (to arouse the plushies in the crowd, I guess).

We took a ride on a coal-burning choo-choo and were rewarded for helping destroy the environment with large amounts of soot in the face. Lucien gave me some attitude when I refused to buy him a toy in the gift shop and a lady who overheard suggested we take a piece of coal home for his stocking.  Now that's a use for coal I can really get behind, crushing the spirits of small children on Christmas morning.

The next day we went to Dinosaur Ridge in Morrison where we saw real dinosaur fossils and real dinosaur tracks. It was actually interesting so there's not much to write because I like to write about stuff that's terrible.

Dinosaur fossil in rock.  Observe Lucien's face.  Mind is blown.

 My Dad and a Stegosaurus

Lucien's foot in a real Iguanadon track -- an Iguanadon, people, OMG, AN IGUANADON!!!!

I'm on American fast food overdrive.  My nose is pressed against the car window as we drive around town and I've been known to yell, "Oh my God, is that a Sonic?"  Between the Oreos and the Sonic and the huge American grocery store filled with things I've missed, I'm right on track to be normal American-sized (= big, holy crap we are so big) by the New Year. 

Speaking of American eating, my Mama just celebrated her birthday (love that Mama) and this is the size of the piece of birthday cake they served me --

I thought it was comically large and started laughing.  They thought it was normal and asked, "Why are you laughing at the delicious cake?"  I was laughing because this piece of cake is roughly the size of the average Frenchman. 

I had my hair colored by my mom's hair lady today.  She did a very good job and it was a great experience all around.  I noticed a few differences between the salons of Colorado and the salons of Paris, however.  There are more cowboy boots and vests here.  Also, more items of clothing containing the words "Biker Chick."  There is also a proliferation of bleached blonde hair on the womenfolk of the U.S. of A.  It doesn't look good, ladies.  Stick close to your natural shade.  I realize I don't have a lot of authority on the subject given my hair used to be orange, but please, listen to me.

Forgive this half-assed blog post.  People keep talking to me over here.  They're all like, "family, family, family YEAH" and I'm like "no, blog."

Hang on, hang on, is that a mother eff'g Kentucky Fried Chicken???


  1. I've lived in Denver for six months now and still haven't managed to make it to any of the places you've visited in your time out here!

    I really wanted to go to Dinosaur Ridge but instead everyone made us go to the raceway right down the road... Priorities...

  2. Huge slices of birthday cake, beanie-weenies and Sonic burgers. It jes' don' git better'n dat. Welcome home!

  3. Glad you're having fun with your folks, MJ, but pace yourself with the junk food, because you won't be able to keep wearing that pretty Parisian coat much longer otherwise ;-) Veronique (French Girl in Seattle)

  4. Hey! I can finally comment from work!:)

    That's a very HONEST piece of cake, if you ask me;) I think I will freak out too when I see the portion sizes the first time I eat out in a restaurant back home ... and get that very-taken-for-granted-in-Canada-but-oh-so-elusive-in-the-Netherlands customer service!:)

    The Belgians railroad workers have decided to go on strike TONIGHT!! Which means that every one who was scheduled to go to Paris by Thalys between 6 pm tonight and 8 pm tomorrow night had to change their plans! Talk about chaos! My boss is really cool, so she let us Parisian revellers take an extra day and a half so we could go this afternoon (there's 5 of us here!) and I was able to change my ticket after 4 hours of being jerked around, but I'm not even sure things will be sorted by the time my husband is scheduled to leave on the 23rd... Chances are he'll spend Christmas here alone while I'm alone in Paris... What a mess! Oh well!

    This morning, I was thinking of what you said about life in France (and in the Netherlands, as it turns out) being great but sucking so much energy out of you! I am completely drained. I wonder why everything involving customer service here is so damn hard (ah yeah, it's because THERE IS NO FRIGGIN' CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!).

    Oh well, tonight, I'll see the Christmas lights on the Champs Élysées, and for the next six days, I'll be eating fresh baguette with cheese like it's going out of style:) How's that for a silver lining?:)

  5. I spent a week in the USA recently and gained 5lbs. And I thought I was eating healthily! Crazy portion sizes. Looks like the kids are settling in!

  6. i check everyday to see if there is a new post from you-i am as happy with a half assed post any day of the week as with a full assed(?) one because anything from you is a feel good read for me...seriously your take on life is so
    F-U-N-N-Y! i also wanted to say coke's haircut makes her look like a "big girl" ....so pretty-Merry Christmas mj to you and all whom you love and a great new year too! truly thank for sharing that crazy thing called life with us!

  7. Hahahaha...welcome to the Repatraiation 15! We repatriated right at the holidays, too - I think mid-January I knew I was in trouble when I couldn't buttton my jeans anymore. At least you have the Loosh and Cokes to chase around, that should help. Merry Christmas, MJ & Co.!

  8. I. Am. So. Homesick.

    As I mentioned to you before, Dinosaur Ridge is maybe 10 to 15 min, max, from my high school. And the Colorado Railway Museum in Golden is about 10 mn from the elementary school where I went. MJ IS IN MY OLD STOMPIN' GROUNDS!!! Wooo hoooo! :D

    I am so glad Lucien got to go to Dinosaur Ridge, finally. So exciting for him!

    And hey, Oreos so exciting for you. I get it. I really do!!

    OMG. That slice of cake -- LMAO!!!!!

    Stop saying you don't have a blog. This was all totally blogworthy, IMHO. Keep 'em coming! I wish I could even get a blog out, these days. I'm so blogstipated! Actually that is not true, I have plenty of ideas, I just don't have the chunks of time I want to really sit and write. So I drop little stuff on FB instead. *sigh* I am envious of your blog regularity, my dear. What's you secret? Do I need more fiber? More cake and Oreos? LOL.

    Thank you for the lovely peek into your life Stateside, and for pics and words about my hometown. Give Denver a big warm hug from me. Well, not literally. Metaphorically, haha.

  9. Glad to see you are rocking that coat and your dad is a cutie

    Got all that shopping done?

    Ps ...hi to the duchess...very jealous you are in Paris for christmas

  10. What is available to eat in Paris now that you are remembering what's available here in America?

  11. Packages of Oreos, like bottles of wine, do have a tipping point. It's really rude to leave less than a "portion"; wise choice just polishing off the tasty little suckers. Have you noticed the wacky flavor they make for the holiday? "Winter" Oreos with red cream filling. Scare me.

  12. You sure sound happy with everything "American." Back to the old and deeply missed ordinary.. oreos and Kentucky Fried Chicken in abundance. And a new house, decorated with graffiti, to welcome a Happy New Year!

  13. So glad to see the Paris coat made it to the train museum. I hope you also wore it to the hair salon to give those effing Biker Chicks and Cowboys a lesson in good taste.

  14. Holy moley...suddenly I can post from work..so I just had to..

    Merry Christmas MJ...the best to your whole family with the new year..especially the Loosh when he gets back to school...he'll love it I'm sure.

    (and that slice of cake is too funny)

  15. Hey Debs!:) I'm writing this from the 15th in Paris!:) We rented an aparthotel. They gave us a studio on the 6th floor with balcony from which we can see the Eiffel tower up close and personal!:) I went out on the hour with a glass of wine and saw it twinkle:) I've also seen some amazing Christmas lights on the bus from Gare du Nord yesterday (bus 42 goes on the Champs-Élysées and the avenue Montaigne:)). Really looking forward to the Christmas light tour on the 25th:)

    Maybe next year we'll all be here, who knows?!:) Here's hoping!


  16. joyeux noel Duch!...have a glass for me when the lights start to twinkle on the tower...love that so much....pure Paris porn!

  17. MJ, please calm down! Because you write so well I am going thru repatriation right along with you even tho I reside right in the middle of corn country along side the butter cow (IOWA). Just get it over with and gain that 10 lbs and then diet for the rest your life like a real American! KATHY in WDSM

  18. Merry New Year!

    Too early? Well we are nearly a day ahead of you down here, so technically I'm in the future. I don't want to spoil it for y'all, but let's just say our new robot overlords love your blog.

    Now MJ stop lollygagging and get to work. This time next year I'm fully expecting to be unwrapping your book as a surprise I-bought-it-myself-because-I've-been-good-all-year-and-let's-face-it-husbands-just-aren't-good-at-this-stuff christmas gift.

    Ho ho ho! (Said Santa as he drove past the Kardashians)