Wednesday, May 30, 2012


This post is dedicated to things that are fabulous.
We. Are. Fabulous.

Hanging out under overpasses, we are fabulous.

Yes.  Still.

Seattle Mom's birthday dinner crashed by two strange men = Fabulous.
(photo by Christina, whom you can find here doing fabulously sexy things)

This next fabulous thing is controversial, judging by how many people told me they hated it last time I wrote about it.  Here goes anyway.

EUROVISION is fabulous --

I planned to throw a Eurovision party every year after our return to the United States.  Unfortunately, our current 900 sq-ft. rental did not suit my big plans.  Next year, hopefully, our living arrangements will be more agreeable.

Instead of throwing a fabulous party this year, I watched the Eurovision finale with two two-year olds --
 They're watching Engelbert Humperdinck sing for the U.K.
Yes, really.

The two-year-olds were enthusiastic fans for thirty seconds, at which point they wandered off to eat Play-Doh and left me dancing to the eurotrash ear bleed by myself.

The Russian entry was fabulous.  They came in second place--

Those grandmothers can really sing a dance tune.  Plus, they bake cookies.  Onstage.  HOW CAN ANYONE HATE EUROVISION WITH COOKIES ONSTAGE?


Sweden won this year.  I did not like the song but it's so horrifyingly catchy I'm still singing it.  Without the benefit of a head full of beautiful dark hair and a wind machine, it doesn't have the same effect in my shower.  I've really got the Karate Kid choreography down pat, though.

Man I miss Europe.  Europe is fabulous.

Banister Abbey is fabulous, too, but a potential problem with the sewer line emerged during our inspection.  We asked the seller to get the sewer cleaned and re-inspected.  He said "no." That was not fabulous.

We decided to pay for the cleaning and re-inspection ourselves.  Al and I were not yet willing to walk away from the house but needed to know what kind of problem we were facing before making our final decision. (Verdict -- not serious enough of a problem to sway us from our course.  Onwards, comrades!)

The rooter man was fabulous with twinkly eyes and a happy smile. He rooted the hell out of that sewer line and eventually cleared the blockage.  He warned me to stand back as he pulled his rooter line back out, saying the line would probably bring up "material."

It brought us some "material," all right.  Condoms.  Lots and lots of condoms.  Banister Abbey may look like a lady, but she's got a wild side.

Which brings me to the seller of Banister Abbey.  He's not our favorite person at present given his reluctance to negotiate anything, but there's no question he's fabulous.  He's a stylish man, oftentimes wearing hats perched at jaunty angles on his head.  He's a football coach -- I won't say where -- in the Seattle area.  Banister Abbey has been in his family for fifty years.  From the work he's already done on the house, we can see he has very good taste.  Thanks to rooter man, we also know he gets laid a lot.  And that is fabulous.

Last but not least, the job of a rooter guy is fabu -- well, I hope the pay is good at least.

Fabulous, ALL OF IT,


  1. It's amazing what you know about this house before you've even bought it!

    1. True dat. We are very informed buyers. Maybe too informed. Didn't need to know about the seller's sexual prowess.

      Have a good day, Lou.

  2. I'm sorry but your description of what the roto router guy found to be clogging the sewer line is priceless. Hilarious!

    1. Hello there, Country Girl,
      The condoms were only part of the problem -- but they were definitely the most interesting part of the problem. And the sexiest part of the problem. Slope issues aren't sexy.

      Thanks for coming by!

  3. Hey now you know, don't flush condoms in the new house!

    We encountered a similar situation when buying our current place - just wanted to know what we were walking into, but the sellers refused to pay for it. Maybe that's why we were so hard on the buyers of our old place, what goes around and all that. It may also be because they low balled us, since the could smell the desperation...

    1. Adrianne! Noted -- no condoms in toilets. Hell, if condoms are found in our sewer line after we buy the house, either Al or I are gonna have some explaining to do.

      If what goes around comes around, we are going to be the worst sellers ever someday. Might as well just stamp NO! on the For Sale sign out front now...

      Bye, Adrianne!

  4. And you don't want to use the condom-intel to give him another, erm, chance to renegotiate the price ...?

    (If not, then please hand him a nice Hallmark-card when you see him for the last time which says that you shouldn't flush your condoms down the toilet. Do it for me!)

    1. Sigrid, We did consider telling him not to flush his condoms, as we have a nice clean sewer pipe now, and from the looks of it he's going to have sex five hundred more times by the time we close in a couple weeks. Can't get him out fast enough at this point.

      Bye, Sigrid!

    2. I think you should DEFINITELY make a point of telling him not to flush his condoms... AFTER you've signed all the paperwork at the closing. That's the best time to try and embarrass the hell out of him for all he's putting you through.

      But then again, maybe it's appropriate that a giant d*ck like that would have a condom issue. :)

      PS Thanks for turning me on to the Babushka Baking Grannies. LOVED THEM!

  5. Awww, I'm pretty sure those little Russian grandmas are a set of Babushka dolls. They all stack away inside each other at the end of each show.

    Eurovision has always been big down here, they stream it live and lots of people have viewing parties. Sadly this year I missed it because I was stuck in a forest with no TV. So thanks for posting those links!

    Indeed you are fabulous. And morbidly curious - who the hell stands around looking at what the rooter guy digs up? Especially when you've been pre-warned by said rooter guy??

    1. Bec! A fellow Eurovision fan -- you get me. I heard the hosts give several shout-outs to their Australian viewers so I assumed it was a bigger deal there than here. Whenever I mention it here, I get the squinty-eyed, "Huh???" I hope to change that, though.

      In terms of me sticking with the rooter guy, I guess I can only say it was a solidarity thing. As in, I was asking him to do this gross thing, so how could I abandon him at the grossest part?

      I plan on sticking right next to all my workmen and women who come to Banister Abbey. It's part of my full-service emotional support package. I am probably going to scare a lot of people.

      Hugs, Bec, hope you had fun in the forest.

  6. I love that you love Eurovision (so very much), but... but... where are Trackshittaz? *lip wobbles*

    1. Oh man, Alex, I didn't mention Trackshittaz! They weren't in the finals, were they? Here's a link for anyone interested in Trackshittaz, the batshit crazy hip-hop duo from Austria. I've been to Austria. I wasn't surprised.


    2. Don't do that! Don't spread the link! Being Austrian I was SO relieved that they were kicked out in the semi-finals! Now I have to go around and tell everybody I'm Australian, again!

  7. you can take the girl out of Europe but you can't take the eurovision out of the girl....Engelbert...seriously?? isn't there any age limit?

    Hey hearing alot of stuff on the news about Seattle...and I realize that things get blown out of proportion but be careful out there...

    Banister Abbey rocks...buddy may be fabulous and wear his hat jauntily but he's knows nothing obviously about proper condom disposal...just saying.

    1. Engelbert. Seriously. He got like one vote, could not have been good for the man's self esteem.

      Seattle is a mess right now, Debbie. A lot of violence happening, a lot of upset and on-edge people. It's not a great time. I don't mention stuff like that in the blog because I just can't think about it anymore. Escape, escape!

      Bye, Debbie!

  8. Fabulous!!!
    Condoms in the sewer line? No comment...but if that's all you've found to be wrong with this house, you're a lucky one considering its age!

    Eurovision was a must see when I was growing up in Spain...I love the Mamushkas, they're too much, how fabulous! LOL
    The winner has a good voice and the song IS catchy!

    You. Are. Fabulous.
    Thanks for the laughs!

    1. Hello there, Sylvia. The condoms are, by far, not the only thing wrong with the house. We have a long list. But thankfully no deal-breakers at this point. We like our houses needy.

      You grew up in Spain? You know Eurovision? Cheers to you, Sylvia, let's celebrate Europe today.

      You're fabulous, too, you all are, YOU ALL ARE.

    2. Good, you're getting closer to getting the house.
      Yes, I was born in Barcelona but have been all over the place. I will celebrate Europe any day, love it!

  9. The unadulterated fabulosity of this post is blinding!

    1. That is a good compliment. I'll take it.

  10. Oh the exciting life of a rooter man! Fun times at Banister Abbey, gotta love a lady with a past.

    I must admit, at the moment, I'm a little embarassed to be Swedish.

  11. Look out Beatles, there's a new Fab 4 in town. And they got high self
    esteem. Fabulous is their name. Being hotties is their game. And they
    got that wet & wild, sassy look about them. Just the way I like my
    women and my coffee. Who may I ask is the woman 2nd from the left, in
    the first pic? (And in the 3rd pic is the one in the middle).
    I've heard that only women with the morals of a football coach
    stand along road sides below an overpass. Were you plagued by cars
    stopping and asking 'How much?'
    I try to stay open minded. Just because you like Eurovision
    doesn't mean you're all bad. (The Swedish singer was good)
    I'll bet you do miss Europe. Its a classy place. Their general
    population isn't nearly as dumbed down as America's has become.

  12. i was waiting to celebrate eurovision with you...i cannot believe it has been a year since your last post regarding the fabulousness of this event -heads up us for next year...and is that guy flushing his protection??? not good for any plumbing system...he probaby has mixed feelings about selling BA-50 years etc-glad you are steadfast in the onward and upward climb to owning this grand dame....mj YOU ARE FABULOUS....and so is this blog! truly....

  13. FABULOUS! And condoms? Really???

    Your life is NOT boring.

    Hope you are well!

  14. Look at that smouldering thing in a black dress and leggings on the first pic! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!;)

    Darling, you ARE fabulous!:)

  15. I looove the grandmas! Post the eurovision videos anytime!

  16. Hi there. I got clued into your Paris blog because I am living there with my wife and son for the next year. I hope you don't mind me asking a question in the comments section of your new blog, but we could use the help. I saw you posted about receiving benefits from CAF for your children. We would like to do the same if we are eligible. Can we apply after we receive our CDS and what else should we know about the process? Thanks if you can offer any guidance.

  17. MJ, like ET, call home.
    The long absence has me in a worry state.
    Does anyone know if MJ and family are ok?

    1. I'm alive, Bill! Just about to post a "hey lookie there, I just totally disappeared" post....

  18. Whew, sigh of relief. Sorry, I'm prone to negative thinking.
    No Dale Carnegie awards for me. Now I feel bad having said anything. You really shouldn't post until you get around to it.
    It's pressure free that way. As Mr Gershwin advised us, Its
    summertime and the living should darn-well be easy.

  19. Hahahaha...I was thinking the same and was about to ask if anyone knew what was going on.
    MJ, you can't get rid of us that easily! LOL